In less then a month my husband and I will be celebrating our 25th anniversary. 25 YEARS! That is just crazy! I have been with my husband longer than I have been single by several years. It has been an adventure that is for sure! Ups an downs. Lefts and rights. Forwards and backwards. We have been through a lot together. But those are the key words, A LOT TOGETHER.
Marriage isn't easy nor is it something that just happens on its own. It is created. By two people working at it TOGETHER.
I am 44 years old. And the last several years I have watched many close friends go through the trial of divorce, deception, and just plain old heart break. It has been so hard to watch. I have wondered what the heck is going on and why is this happening to my friends! I have done a lot of inner reflection and studying. I have always had a passion about my husband and marriage. I have always had the drive to make sure we are taking care of "us", but now it has taken on even a deeper meaning. Now I don't want to paint a picture that we have always had the "perfect" marriage. That is far from the truth. But I have always had this inner drive to make sure we don't forget that "we" is more important than "me". Sometimes that inner drive was taken over by the current circumstances and it would take stepping back and recognizing the bad place we were in and conscientiously changing directions.
We have had our ups and downs. There have been times I have loved my husband but I was not "in love" with him. Trials are hard! Communication becomes weak and walls go up and anger becomes a root that is digging deeper and deeper. No marriage will escape trials and tests. Each marriage is perfectly IMPERFECT! But that does not mean you cannot have a successful marriage. Its trials that will strengthen a marriage, IF each person is willing to be humble and willing to work on their marriage.
Love doesn't just happen. It is a action word people! We have to work at it every single day! Did you hear that EVERY SINGLE DAY! No one is perfect, and if you think you are or better than your spouse, then you need to stand back and take a deeper look inside. We can't fix our spouses imperfections, we can only fix our own. Work on yourself. Work on creating the best that is in you. Get help doing it! I am a firm advocate for counseling.(only go to one you are referred to) We all have our own blue prints from our upbringing and no ones blue print is perfect. The goal in creating a great marriage is taking the positive from both spouses upbringing and combining them together. And doing our best to leave the negatives out. BUT THAT TAKES WORK. Constant work. Communication is huge! Women you have to tell your husband what your feeling, they really can't read your mind. It's like when your husband opens the fridge to find something specific and its literally right there in plain view, but they can't see it. Not until you say its on the 2nd shelf on the right half way back. Oh then they see it! But husbands you have to be willing to listen to the communication and REMEMBER! Oh that remember word! What happens in marriage is the wife shares, the husband doesn't listen fully, then forgets, and then when the wife brings it up again and he doesn't remember, the wife goes into he doesn't really care about me mode and the walls start building. Communication goes both ways, talking and listening! Really listening means you remember. Oh I could go on and on and on, but I will save it for more posts.
I will end with this. Your marriage is what you create. If you have found yourself in a unhappy spot then do something about it. Its worth fighting for! Don't open the door of communication to outside individuals unless its a professional counselor. Your in a weak place and sometimes its easier to confide in someone else with personal details. And all of a sudden you create a connection with someone other than your spouse. And all of a sudden you find yourself saying, I don't love my spouse anymore. This is a LIE! This is deception at its finest! You LOVE who you are willing to WORK for! Love is an action word! Now go serve your spouse and choose to do what you can to create the marriage you dream about! It is possible!
"I don't believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be."