In my studies today I had a big ah ha moment. I hope I am able to explain it as well as it formed in my head.
As I have been studying several relationship books, I have realized how some of these books could create frustration for women. Many relationship books break it up into her and him. This is what a husband should and shouldn’t be doing. This is what a wife should and shouldn’t be doing. His side -her side. His weaknesses. Her weaknesses. What he needs to change. What she needs to change. This is good right?? Except what about the fact that your husband isn’t the one reading the book? And your reading and learning how he can be better for you, but yet how do you get him to get on board and have him participate? As I was studying today I even had the thought, well geez Jeff doesn’t do that. Shoot is this going to be a problem? And then it hit me…..why I am doing what I do. Why I am teaching the way I teach women.
We cannot change anyone else around us. We only have control over ourselves. So often when a relationship is struggling our first knee jerk reaction is to blame the other. (believe me I know I have done this!) But the problem with this is - - you have no control over the other. So how are things going to change? How are you going to create your story if you have to sit back and wait for him to jump on board and “BE” the way the books say he should be?
It's not going to happen. Sorry
For those of you that have husbands that love to improve and read relationship books and apply their teachings - - WOW that is awesome! Honestly that is so cool! For the rest of you, I have the greatest news for you! YOU get to rely on YOU! How cool is that! You get to decide to create your story by YOU choosing to learn and understand men. Knowledge is power. You waiting and hoping he will change is a waste of time. But you can learn about yourself. Understand why you do the things you do, react the way you react. Once you can name it you can tame it. You can learn the language of men and learn to speak to him in a way that resonates with him. Learn to love him in his language. As you do this, often the natural consequence will be him loving you more, adoring you more and helping you create your story together. It is AMAZING! It is NOT about controlling him where you think “how can I make HIM do this” or “If I do this, then he will……………” That isn’t how it works. The attitude to have is that you're going to do this because it's good for me and good for him regardless of whether he changes or not. Thanks Cary MacArthur for helping me put my thoughts into words today!
I love this so much! The best thing we can choose to do for our relationships is to understand how the other one works. But it only takes 1 person to turn a relationship around. That is the power that is in YOU! I LOVE THIS! I have seen it happen time and time again with my clients. We aren’t changing their husbands, in fact some husbands don’t even know they are working with me. But all of a sudden their relationship starts to change. Things improve. All from one person CHOOSING to want more and willing to do the work to create it. Choosing to not settle. Choosing to love their man so they can be adored and create their story. I love my job!
"I don't believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be."